It’s only a few more weeks until I go to school. I’ve started burning mix CDs for the road trip to Amherst. For a bit of fun, I’ve compiled some of the better school-themed songs.
“Fuck School” by the Replacements. The Mats picked up the speed and dumbed down the jokes on their 1982 e.p. “Stink.” Whereas a song like “Goddamn Job” has a certain pathos, “Fuck School” is impotent, class-dropping anger.
“School” by Nirvana. From the heavy metal guitar feedback to the lyrical refrain “No recess!” this is early Nirvana at their most obvious. Eh. Everybody’s gotta start somewhere.
“College Man” by Bill Justis. Justis is best known for the instrumental hit, “Raunchy,” the twangy guitar and sax ramble that was pure sex on the airwaves in the 1950’s (Bit of trivia: George Harrison had to prove that he could master this song in order to join the Beatles). “College Man” was a lesser hit, a cocksure strut through the halls of campus driven by a wailing sax. Hail to dear old alma mater.
“High School Confidential” by Jerry Lee Lewis. Justis’ Sun Records labelmate, the Killer loves to shake it at the high school hop, although Jerry Lee probably should stay away from teenage girls. Speaking of which…
“Pussy Walk” by Iggy Pop. Mr. Ostenberg understandably gets a little randy when thinking about pussy, but when he confesses impure thoughts touring the “high schools and junior high schools and other centers of learning in this wonderful land,” well, I get a little squeamish. The high schools I can understand, Iggy, but the junior high schools?! You naughty little doggie.
“Modern World” by Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers. Cousin Jonathan’s classic first record is all about college girls; the pretty, intellectual, artistic goddesses who attend Massachusetts’ post-secondary educational institutions and date pot-smoking hippie losers instead of taking guys like me and my cousin to the Museum of Fine Arts and explaining what it all represents. This is one of his more Mass-centric songs, with its exhortation to “Drop out of B.U.!” and all that driving past Stop-and-Shops. The Modern World is not so bad…not like the students say.
“School Days” by Chuck Berry. The true king of rock-n-roll, Berry not only wrote the guitar riffs that new players cut their teeth on, he laid down the basic lyrical themes of rock: girls, school, cars and dancing. Hail, hail rock-n-roll!
“Straight A’s In Love” by Johnny Cash. Schoolyard romance is out of character for the man in black, but at least he’s rebellious enough to flunk out of school while getting all that action.
“Straight A’s” by the Dead Kennedys. The reverse of JC’s song, this self-loathing student gets the grades but not the girls. “Girls, they kick me in the eye / Want answers to the tests / When they get them they drive off / And leave me home to rest.”
“Life Sentence” by the Dead Kennedys. A more relevent DK song for grad school is the one that warns “You stayed too long in school.”
“Be True To Your School” by the Beach Boys. They were probably thinking of homecoming and state championships. I think of protesting CUNY budget cuts.
“UMass” by the Pixies. I can’t think of a song about CUNY, but at least my new school, in the sleepy west of the woody east, was feted by the mighty Pixies. It’s educational!
“We Rule the School” by Belle and Sebastian. A graffiti boast from the album that Stuart Murdoch recorded for a Business course in college. LIke most of their stuff, it’s twee and bittersweet.
“Rock ‘n’ Roll High School” by the Ramones. The Ramones tore a page from the Chuck Berry songwriting textbook for their movie theme song. Don’t wanna be taught to be no fool.
That’s just scratching the surface. I’ve skipped the Mekons, the Talking Heads’ taunting dismissal of college and night school and a certain ubiquitous Alice Cooper song. It’s a work in progress. Make your own suggestions.
