New Advice from Pinkocommiebastard


Dear pinkocommiebastard,
My parents got totally freaked out by Bush’s recent efforts to gut Social Security. They keep nagging me to open some kind of retirement savings account, but I don’t want to be a sell-out. I’m afraid that if I become invested in the system, I will lose my appetite for revolution. But I don’t think I will ever develop an appetite for dog food, which the ‘rents warn will be my daily diet without any kind of old age savings. Maybe I can make some kind of “socially responsible” investments. What do you recommend?
– Concerned About Savings’ Harm

Dear CASH,
First of all, so-called “socially responsible” investments are hogwash. Any kind of investment is a deal with the devil. If you open a simple bank account, your puny savings are lent overnight to the Federal Reserve, who, in turn, lend them to private enterprises, big and small. Your money will make its way to environmentally-destructive shrimp farming in Thailand, to sweatshops in China, to war profiteering in Africa, to factory closings right here in the U.S. We strongly recommend our comrade Barbara Garson’s excellent book, “Money Makes the World Go Around” (Viking, 2001) in which she invested her publisher’s advance and followed her money around the world to see how we are all invested in global capitalism, whether we like it or not.

Although, we’d like to think that the revolution is only weeks away, it will probably take slightly longer. So, what do you do, put your savings in your mattress? Fine – while the capitalists invest their savings and end up with money to donate to the Republicans. That’s no way to further the revolution. The movement does not need activists who are so racked by poverty and starvation that they have no time or energy to fight the good fight. Garson’s advice is to focus on your activism, not your investments. That is our advice as well.

But then again, socialists are notorious for doing very well at investing, maybe because we’ve learned to distrust the system. An older comrade whom we consulted put $25,000 into a middle-of-the-road “no-load” (no broker commissions) mutual fund in 1982, and left it alone to accumulate, and by 2000 it exceeded $600,000 and is still growing, and permits him to be a major contributor to the cause. His advice:

“Forget about brokers and their commissions. Use socialist common sense. Diversify by buying shares in mutual funds directly from the mutual-fund companies. Go to the huge companies, like Vanguard and Fidelity, that have proven track records and reputations to preserve. They offer dozens of funds, but stay away from the fad funds. And once you’ve bought some shares, LEAVE THEM ALONE! The stock market is bound to go belly-up now and then, and your fund will pay little or nothing. But in another year or so it will soar; that’s what stock markets do.”

We asked another comrade, who makes his living as a financial advisor, to provide some advice to our readers. Unfortunately, his company would not allow him to publish advice under his own name, if it was accompanied by an imprudent acknowledgment of how lousy this rotten capitalist system is. These poor capitalists desperately need the liberation of socialism, so they can pursuer their true calling: comedy. Nevertheless, here’s Comrade MBA X’s advice:

“Investments in the market are long-term. Human nature tells us to buy an investment when it is going up in price and to sell when it goes down. Following human nature is not the best way to manage your retirement plan. One dollar invested in small company stocks in 1925 grew to $7,860 in 2001.
It also went down to 18 cents at the bottom of the Great Depression in 1932, only seven years later. One dollar invested in Treasury Bills at the same time only grew to $17 dollars by 2001. Inflation took away ten dollars of that.

Remember that prior performance doesn’t guarantee future returns. And do not put all your eggs all in one basket. Invest in a number of asset classes, allocated according to your risk tolerance (how much can you bear your investment dropping in price without panicking).

Beware. Once the investment has been made (unless it is ongoing) the commission sales person has almost no way to profit. So it is to his advantage to select high earning investments in order to convince you to sell the investment that he recommended last year and buy something new this year so that he can make another commission.

Retirement savings are made in a few, basic forms. A 401(k) plan is set up by your employer to enable you to put money aside from your paycheck before taxes are deducted – reducing your taxable income and the amount of taxes that you pay for the year. Sometimes the employer will match part or all of your contributions. Take advantage of the employer matching whenever it is available.

If your employer doesn’t set up a plan, you set up your own by opening an individual retirement account. A traditional IRA usually provides a similar tax deduction as a 401(k). Like the 401(k), you will pay taxes when you withdraw the money to pay for your retirement. There can be penalties if you withdraw money before you turn 60 years of age.

A Roth IRA does not provide a tax deduction. But if you wait until you turn 60 to withdraw any money to fund your retirement, you will pay no taxes on your earnings. Another advantage of the Roth is that you can take out your investments without penalty or tax, no matter your age or time in the plan, so long as you don’t withdraw any of the interest.”

It’s a helluva way to run a country, but those are your options. Good luck, CASH!

Feeling pressure? The “Man” got you down? Politically frustrated? Sexually frustrated? Pinkocommiebastard’s got the advice that’s right for you.
Send your questions to pinkocommiebastard@ypsl.org.

Catching Up With 2005

Although list-averse (or else simply VH1-phobic), I would normally constrict a best records of the year list around now. Poverty and nagging unemployment, alas, put a real crimp in my record shopping for 2005. There are still at least a dozen releases that I must hear before I could properly judge. However, I am catching up. So here are some notes on 2005 releases that are new to me.

“Honeycomb” by Frank Black
In between victory laps with the Pixies, Black headed to Nashville to record a classicist country record. The experience and competence of the session players, plus Frank Black’s smokey baritone make “Honeycomb” work not just as a country record but as a reminder of just how high the bar should be set for a new Pixies record. The unfamiliar country soundscape allows Black’s lyrics (like “mommy killed a puppy and she thought it was asleep / she put it on the table but it was still meat / she forgot the sugar again”) to sound vital again, at once strange and familiar. Could a new Pixies disc do the same?

“Blinking Lights and Other Revelations” by eels
This album is a stunner, even if it does seem a blatant attempt to revisit (and best) previous triumphs. This is another meditation on death and survival, this time totaling two discs with a running instrumental theme. After 30 or 40 listens, it’s still hard to tell if all those “blinking lights” interludes are extra padding or an essential part of the whole. But there are enough solid songs here to be worth the price of admission, including theme songs for your next exisential crisis (“Old Shit / New Shit” – “I’m tired of the old shit / let the new shit begin”), lovesick mixtape (“Lick Your Boots” – “people spend their days / trying to find new ways / to put you down all over town / but they’re not fit / to lick your boots”) or last will and testament (“Things the Grandchildren Should Know” – “i knew true love and i knew passion / and the difference between the two / and i had some regrets / but if i had to do it all again / well, it’s something i’d like to do”).

Senior Smoke, by Electric Six
More of a joke record than “Fire,” this disc only really scores with “Vibrator” and the cover of “Radio Gaga” (which loses something without Dick Valentine’s video impersonation of Freddy Mercury).

The Modern Sounds of, the Knitters
Twenty years later, X’s delightful musical chairs side project (substitute Dave Alvin for Billy Zoom, put Johnny Ray Bartel on upright bass and slide John Doe over to slide and acoustic guitar) release a follow-up to their beloved “Poor Little Critter on the Road.” Too much of this material is warmed over country hash. “In This House That I Call Home” (haunting and superior) and “Burning House of Love” (better “Unclogged”) are X covering X. “(Why Don’t We Even) Try Anymore” was better on Bloodshot’s Knitters cover record. “Wreckin Ball” is a disappointing retread, as is “Skin Deep Town.” The few new tunes suggest what a wasted opportunity this was. I missed the Knitters when they came to town this summer. I’m sure they were awesome. I did catch X a few weeks back, and they certainly were. I have no desire to see these old punks become an oldies act. I breathlessly await new material that is truly new.

Road to Rouen, by Supergrass
It’s a brief record, and a bit of a sleeper following their recent best-of. Supergrass continues to grow, now that they are 11.

Living Things, by Matthew Sweet
Firmly ensconced in his cult-hero status, Matthew Sweet seems to emulate a new hero for each new record. After dabbling in Spector-esque Wall of Sound production on 1999’s “In Reverse,” Sweet now teams with Brian Wilson collaborator Van Dyke Parks for Beach Boys-y harmony. I miss Robert Quine more than ever.

So Jealous, by Tegan and Sara
When I first saw this duo open for the Old 97’s about five years ago, they were all kinds of Indigo (Girls). Thankfully, they’re still adorable, but now they rock. This could be the power pop record of the year (I won’t know until I get that new New Pornographers). This is a great, hooky record with solid writing. “i feel like / you wouldn’t like me / if you met me” is the kind of line that could make anyone so jealous.

Freedom and Weep, by the Waco Brothers
The good folks at Bloodshot records were kind enough to send me a promo of this disc during the summer. I sat on it, hoping to find a home for a proper review. I failed, but I’m grateful for the presence of Marc Durante’s loser sing-a-long “Join the Club” in my dying Toyota during my most desperate days. Elsewhere, Deano Schlobowske dominates the disc, with his ragged “Nothing At All” opening, and his post-election blues, “Rest of the World,” penultimating (“champaign’s still on ice – might as well down it tonight – it’s won’t last four more years / nor will your rights”).

A Ghost if Born, by Wilco
Jeff Tweedy quickly and definitely proved his need for strong collaborators by releasing this prog rock hogwash immediately after canning Jay Bennett. How long will it be until Tweedy and Jay Farrar realize that they need each other?